MY NEW CAREER, SORT OF....

Well, after my WSIB job search & nonsense program, I remain unemployed. I sent my resume everywhere under the sun to no avail. I don't know if it is the long drive for these jobs (1 hour or more) that scared employers away or my broken body. Yes, I may have long term issues related to my workplace injury, however I am doing very well now as I have said. On a better note, I have my Human Rights case to be heard on October 7, 2011. Finally, I will get the opportunity to say my piece about how I was discarded like yesterday's garbage.

At this point, WSIB has officially disposed of me and I have no income and no prospects at the moment either. Instead of panicking I decided to make entering contests my new career. Don't laugh, I am serious...Think about it; there is no physical labor involved, no long drive, no risk of re-injury etc. Granted there are no sure things but there never is in life. Frankly, I had NO IDEA how many contests are out there just waiting to be entered. There are also very serious folks that have also made it their vocation. Many of the contest forums list the winnings of members and some truly are making a living entering and winning contests. I mean big winnings in the neighborhood of $25,000.00 up to almost $55,000.00 per year. WOW, right?

The only downfall so far is that it is so very time-consuming. Not that I don't have time on my hands these days but I am spending 10-12 hours a day. Lets just say, the housework is not being done so well. For the past 5 weeks I have sat on my comfy chair with my laptop entering until I can not see straight. I have won a fair bit already, though nothing earth shattering yet, but still winning all the same. The way I see it, if I can garner at least one large win a year, that will equal my lost income in either cash or a prize that I can sell for cash. I may just have to turn my trusty little blog into a compilation of contest entries and winnings. Wouldn't that be quite the tale...an injured nurse finds her new career in contesting. Well, I better run, lots of contests to enter and hey at least I won't hurt my back doing it.

Take care and stay well,
J X0

T MINUS (-) ONE DAY TO=CUT-OFF BY WSIB....AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...

*Did you know that if you suffer a workplace injury & are subsequently discarded by your employer because they are worried about money, money, money, you are then completely powerless in that regard? The Workplace Safety & Insurance Board, (WSIB) will then give you 10 weeks (Aka Labor Market Re-entry Program) to find another job that you are able to do, even though you were doing great at your previous one. They won’t help you fight to get your previous job back, even though that is their supposed role. Once that 10 weeks is up,(July 1st for me) if you still don't have a job, that's it, no other plan, no discussion, you're cut off, period!

After numerous and I mean numerous interviews, I have yet to be hired. Frankly, I do not understand it as I have NEVER, had a problem finding a job in my line of work. I have an exemplary work history, which leaves me wondering why I am not successful in my job search. I am trying very hard not to have a pity party...I did my very best to find a job, yet it has not happened thus far. The deadline for WSIB to cut me off stands at T minus 1 day. Now, just as an FYI, I must offer you the most important piece of advice you will EVER get: DO YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST TO NEVER GET HURT ON THE JOB. If you do, it will be your worst nightmare. How I wish I could turn back time and accede to my husband’s wishes that I not go to the specific home in which I was injured. The ‘nurse’ in me, would not allow me to abandon the patient. Isn’t it ironic how I ended up the patient instead, and moreover being discriminated against? Perhaps I am not successful in finding a new job because I will be victorious in my Human Rights case and my employer will be ordered to give me my job back. Now, how’s that for thinking positive?

Since my injury in November of 2007, it certainly has been a rough road. The chronic pain was my largest obstacle and having finally garnered control of the pain that almost destroyed me, I believed it would be smooth sailing from that point on. In many ways it has been. I absolutely must turn this situation around and focus on the positive, as we all know that negative thinking causes all sorts of problems. As I was 'surfing the good old web' today, I saw an article stating that positive thinking can actually make people feel worse. I can't say that I agree with that at all but you may read their point of view here.

Back when I was suffering 24/7, I had no fight in me whatsoever. I couldn’t handle conflict of any sort. Now that I am not suffering every minute, I know in my heart I will eventually turn this situation around. In fact, I must if I am ever to return to the job I love and miss dearly. I suppose today’s thoughts are coming from a reflective place. In fact I do this often as reflective thinking is a must for nursing practice. Also, I turn the big *45* today…and I always find that I think back to the past and what has happened in my life up until that point. Isn’t that what birthdays are all about? The way I see it, I am basically past mid-life and if I am going to accomplish what I wish, I must get a move on. Thank goodness I now have the physical ability to do so. Life passes us by so quickly and therefore I feel I must do whatever is necessary to accomplish my goals because ‘time’s a tickin’…

Well, I suppose now would be a great time to go pray my little heart out and check the new job postings…

Take care and stay well,
J

The Queen of Procrastination & Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Every few months or so, I commit to making regular entries to this blog among other things and yet here I am again, procrastinating. What the heck is wrong with me? When I decide to put my mind to something, I keep going with my head down until it is complete. That is not the issue here. Finding the motivation to get started on something is my problem.

For instance, I owe Revenue Canada due to working part time and collecting EI after a lengthy illness. However, EI does not take enough tax off and here I sit with the huge debt, and no idea how I will ever pay it. I do need to call them, but I haven 't yet, simply because I have no clue as to what I could offer them. If WSIB (Workplace Safety and Insurance Board) would pay the $15,000.00 they presently owe me, I could. Gee, I wonder if Revenue Canada could exert some influence on WSIB. Nah, forget that one. I don't think anyone could except the Lord himself. WSIB is operated by lucifer in the flesh, intent on destroying lives like mine.

Recently, as in the last several months, I have been having these odd dreams. Not the passionate, gorgeous man dreams that would be fun. I would rather be dreaming about Jonathan Rhys Meyers-(see photo, OH BABY). They are dreams about my health and employment...In my dreams almost every night; I am healthy, strong and back at work. Then I wake up disappointed when I realize that I will never work as a nurse again due to a workplace injury. It reminds me of when I read Christopher Reeve's book about how he would dream that he was able-bodied after his paralysis. Why do people dream things that can not be? When I wake up I feel even more upset that I am basically stuck in this body that responds as a 90 year olds would. Actually, I know some 90 year olds that are doing better than I.

My procrastinating has gotten the best of me lately as I was at the point where I made up my mind that I would attempt writing as my new career. But, I have done nothing to foster any forward motion. The days, weeks and months just keep flying by without accomplishment. How to pull myself out of this rut has become a burning question. I know disabled people have fulfilled lives. I know it is possible, right? So, where to start...I need to make a living at something that is legal. Sure wish someone had the magic bullet, or simply just a bullet.

Well, the queen of procrastination will at least try to continue updating her blog more regularly. See you in a few months, er ah, I mean a few days.

J

P.S. I know, I know, this post was about my issues with procrastination and yet there is a picture of Jonathan Rhys Meyers. You can't blame me for that, he is unbelievably easy on the eyes don't you think? Besides, now I have an excuse to look at him whenever I work on my blog. (I really am happily married, but a girl can swoon, er, ah I mean can look can't she?)

No I did not drop off the face of the earth, although I wish I did

I do so apologize, it has been a year or so since I wrote and much has happened. I am now pretty much disabled and unable to work as a nurse any longer (a lengthy story in itself). I shall do my best to catch up with hopes that someone will find something of interest in my blog, perhaps encouraging me to continue on.

I have also decided to take a bit of a turn, thanks to my injury and chronic illness. I began writing a regular article for the newspaper and the occasional magazine also. I have now decided to write a book after many false starts. One day I am gung ho to go, next day I read something discouraging about how difficult it is to get published. I have thought about trying self-publishing, however, without an income any longer, I do not have the money in which to do it. So, I have decided to leave it in God's hands. If it is meant to be, it will.

For most of my life, even the bad parts, I have believed that there is a reason for everything, even the negative stuff we all struggle through. So I have to assume that my ill health and inability to continue my nursing career has a reason. It is most difficult some days as I absolutely loved being a nurse. It was the very essence of me, my identity and I feel as though I have literally lost a piece of myself. I loved my job and would have done it for free, to me there is no higher calling than to assist those suffering and vulnerable. However, I shall do my best to move on and assume that it has happened for the greater good. (I must think that way or else I will go crazy).

There have been many devastating events in my life, many of which I have yet to enter here, however something happened a few months ago that almost did me in, and no one was more shocked than I. It truly seems incomprehensible to me that I almost gave up when clearly I have faced much greater challenges than this. I do not know if it was an accumulation over the years or simply an odd synergistic effect between the latest 2 incidences. the treatment are starting to cause some very serious health issues for me. My upper third of both lungs are fibroses

The Hodgkin's lymphoma that I spoke of in an earlier post is just starting to rear it's ugly head. No, it did not come back, rather the side-effects of it did with a roaring vengence. My heart, is also damaged, and my heart rate is now 125 beats per minutes,resting. Normal resting heart rate is between 60-80 for most people, some a bit higher and some lower, however 125 is WAY too quick. No one thus far has been able to determine what the exact issue is. I have damage to my spinal cord from radiation burns and that has caused a very uncomfortable symptom referred to as L'hermitte's sign. It feels like an electric shock when I move my head down.

That in itself is bad enough but believe it or not, it was the teeth, or lack thereof that broke the camel's back, ergo mine. The radiation damage to my teeth and salivary glands caused them to begin crumbling like blue cheese. Pieces literally broke off and became abscessed. After this had happened too many times to count, I decided to have them all removed. BIG BIG BIG mistake! I have not eaten in 4 months(other than nutritional drinks). I just can not get used to the dentures. I hate them, despise them, they hurt, they will not stay in place and they make me look like I just got punched in the mouth. I wish now, that I would not have had them all removed. Did I mention I absolutely hate the dentures? I am only 42 years and now without teeth I look like an 80 year old, which I suppose is rather fitting considering most days I feel like one too.

I did attempt to return to work last year, and although it was tough some days I was managing okay. Unfortunately though, only a few weeks back, I suffered a low back injury for me that ensured I will never work again as a nurse. I don't even want to get into the issues I have had with WSIB, the compensation board for workplace injuries as it only agitates me when I think about it. I will get into it on another day however the only thing I will say now is:their role in my injury is to remain as unmerciful as possible and to make sure that I have to struggle for every cent they decide to pay me. They are most diligent in their efforts to ensure that the injured worker feels beaten down and defeated, like nothing more than a useless piece of garbage. As callous as that may sound it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.


Rather than throw in the towel and completely give up, I have a bit of a plan, for the first time in a while. I am planning to take a writing course in the new year and I am going to do my best to finish my novel. I also hope to derive some inspiration as I plan to continue blogging about my progress. When I first began last year, I did not seem to garner any readers but this time, I am hopeful that will change and if I in fact find some interested readers I will take that to mean I may be on the right track. God I hope I am, because now, due to my health issues, the only thing I am able to do these days is write and read books. So that is basically the condensed version of the past year. I will expand on it and also return to my previous plan of outlining what has occurred in the past to bring me to this moment in time.
See you soon.
J