FUNDRAISING FOR ME BY WONDERFUL PEOPLE...

**Everyone** PLEASE have a look at this site doing a wonderful thing for me:0) They sell Healthy Chocolate! They are doing fundraising for me! I could not believe it and how helpful and generous they have been! I have read and watched videos about it myself and it is pretty amazing stuff. Please take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with the benefits of this product. If you wish to try it or learn more about it please contact Guy by email or telephone as per http://bit.ly/3uKRj6

It will help with certain types of treatment not covered by OHIP such as acupuncture and traveling etc. to such treatments. The other benefit is a possible 'new job' for me. Those of you that know me, know that I have been unsuccessful at returning to my nursing job, a job I dearly loved. Another benefit of this fundraising is that if it does well, I will be able to become an 'independent' and sell it myself. There are some start up costs involved, minimal mind you but when you are disabled, unable to work and have little income it seems a lot. I would love the opportunity to sell this great product myself and I think it may go a long way in helping me mend from the loss of a beloved job.

This is certainly not a sales pitch nor any pressure to purchase. Please do not feel obligated in anyway...only to treat it as any other fundraiser that you feel would be worthwhile. I would truly appreciate any assistance you could offer at this attempt in fundraising.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read.

**I will be back soon with the promised nerve block article-as a matter of fact I am traveling yet again to the specialist for another one. Be back soon.

Take care and stay well,
J

KNOW WHEN TO FOLD EM...

I know I stated that my next blog post would be about nerve blocks and in fact the one following this will be rather than vice versa. There are a couple of reasons why I have changed the order a little. 1) For me, my blog at times is a method to purge things that are bothering me, similar to why a person may write a journal. 2) I have had many people asking me how I am coping with my return to work and this post will certainly answer that question.

Several weeks ago, I received a visit from a very pleasant lady at WSIB and her job is to assist the injured worker in returning to work. She is to formulate a plan and remove the real or potential obstacles to a successful return to work. I liked her, truly I did, still do in fact. She seemed to be a very caring individual and I was pleased to finally be treated well by someone at WSIB. I will admit, I was rather unnerved and pretty much scared to death at returning after an almost 2 year absence. However, never afraid of a challenge, I agreed to return and try my best.I always give everything I attempt my very best. Bottom line, I have tried with everything I had in me. But, I am failing...miserably.

As soon as I return from work each day, I immediately go to bed. I remain there until around dinner time and stay up until it is time for my son to go to bed. At which point, I too return to bed. The increase in pain subsequent to the increased activity has again lead to a lack of restful sleep. Then of course the fatigue sets in and ensures that my pain feels worse than ever. It is a horribly vicious circle that I have found myself entangled in many times since the injury occurred.

As the months have flown by, I found myself feeling more and more useless. I did want to return, simply to perhaps feel like a functioning human being again. The saddest part is that, despite stating so, my employer does not really have any “light duty” work. They are a nursing agency and all of the work takes place in the community. This unfortunately, left me sitting in a chair, reading the same literature repeatedly day after day. Without a source of distraction, my pain was absolutely horrible. I need to be distracted on some level, otherwise I feel every pain elevated to an intolerable level and I watch the clock.

It was then decided that I would go out to the community with the other nurses. I was thrilled at that prospect if for no other reason than to get out of the office. My reaction to these “outings” shocked me more than I could ever explain. Due to my injury and limited ability, basically I was just watching and doing paper work. I actually did a couple of blood pressures and respiratory assessments, however beyond that, I felt like the fifth wheel. As I mentioned many times before, I loved my job. From the bottom of my heart and soul that is the God’s honest truth. Nursing never felt like work to me and my entire identity was and is wrapped around being a nurse.

I thought I had resigned myself to the fact that I would no longer be able to carry out the nursing activities that in the past were simply second nature to me. I sobbed each time I arrived home after being out in the community. I choked it back while out but let loose at home. It was the type of sobbing that seems to come up from the feet. A deep painful cry of an injured animal is how I sounded. There it was, in my face, black and white: I can no longer do these basic nursing tasks. I will never be able to return to regular nursing duties and the job I so loved. Clearly, I had not accepted this reality. I don’t want to accept it. Yet, outside of a miracle occurring, it is that very reality that slapped me in the face.

I want my old life back. I am tired of suffering with pain 24/7. I want to be like healthy people that get up each morning and go to work and lead productive lives. It breaks my heart that I found the career that made me feel as though I was not “working.” (Find a job that you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.) I had that and I recognized just how fortunate I was to have found it. All that I ever wanted was to make a difference in the lives of others with my time here on earth. I was. I did. I made a difference to my patients. I cared and they knew it. I truly could not imagine a more fulfilling and important career on the planet. I had it all in front of me and now, I simply can not do it. God help me, I just can’t.

Now, you can be sure that WSIB will not take the same view as I. They think that pain or no pain I must return. Pain is subjective and therefore non-measurable and this means that my pain is not a factor in any decision-making. Unfortunately, subjective or not-it is my reality. So much so that when I push myself as I have been doing recently, I vomit. Violently. My body is screaming-“I hurt and STOP what you are doing.” But instead of heeding, I kept pushing. I have done my best to put my head down and trudge through the pain and do what I have been instructed to do but now I am waving the white flag. I know this will mean going back to struggling to feed my son due to no money, however, I haven't a choice now. I am not much of a gambler, I prefer sure things, however, I’ve given it my all regardless of what any adjudicator or board believes and now I must stop pushing myself. It is time to “fold em and walk away.” Walk away...Walk and not run, simply because I can no longer run. :0(

Kenny Rogers: The Gambler
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Take care and stay well,
J X0

COMING SOON....NERVE BLOCKS

Firstly, I must apologize for being an absentee blogger...so much has happened lately and with my poor health, I have simply been exhausted.

Please come back soon for my article on nerve blocks. I recently received one that I plan to discuss in detail. This will be of real interest to anyone with chronic pain.

Take care & stay well,
J

JUST A QUICK UPDATE...

I know I am very overdue for a new blog post among other things...I spent a frustrating week or so off-line, unable to determine why my wireless connection did not work on my laptop. Due to my pain level, I can not sit in the computer chair to work on the PC, so I generally lie or sit in bed with the laptop. That is until it would not work. As it turns out, there is a function key that will turn off or on the laptop's ability to connect to a wireless signal.

I had read that perhaps there was a switch on it. There was not. I tried every key on the keyboard, hoping I did not further mess it up. I did. Even my owner's manual did not tell me how to remedy the issue. Useless book! I never said I was a tech-type person...however, my eldest son, Brian called to talk and when I told him of my issues, he suggested a certain key along with the shift button and voila, I was back.
I did not realize what an internet addiction I had until I could not participate in my usual online activities. So glad to be back!

On another note, those of you that know me from Facebook, will have noticed I am no longer there either. A few weeks ago, my Facebook account was hacked and some nasty criminal posing as me, began asking my friends for money. Luckily no one fell for it but in my panic rather than change passwords etc. I deleted my account and have since been unable to access Facebook. I may try again in the future but for now, I have been frustrated enough with good old Facebook. It is not bad enough that my account was allowed to be compromised but then, it is all but impossible to find someone to talk to about it at Facebook or any help at all with gaining access to my old or a new account.

So, I will return very shortly with a "real" blog post-until then, I wanted everyone to know what had happened.

Take care & stay well,
J

I THINK, THEREFORE I AM...*NOT* IN PAIN...

Most people are aware of the potential power of the mind & in particular the role of the 'power of positive thinking' to make changes in a specific area of one's life. This belief has been around for years, even before the book "The Power of Positive Thinking" came to be, up until present day. The popularity of the "The Secret" and the role the Law of Attraction can play in life is not a new concept either. But do you believe in this theory and more specifically, can positive thinking help play a role in pain management?

Personally, I believe the human mind holds immense power of such an intensity that we as mere mortals, lack the ability to fully comprehend. In my 20 years of nursing, I have seen many people basically give-up, lie down & die because a doctor had given them a poor prognosis and they believed it lock, stock & barrel. That is one of the reasons I think it is a huge mistake to give a patient an answer to the question: "How much time do I have?" There is no answer to that question, simply because no one knows exactly when we will die...Does this mean that all serious illness will not lead to death? Of course not. I am not saying that all disease can be cured with the power of the mind, although it certainly plays an important role. Simply put, positive thinking plays a large role & no one should ever give someone a time limit on how long they will live.

There have been many documented cases of people dying exactly to the day after a doctor had stated how long they had to live. Therefore, if we can be told how much time we have left and internalize it so much that it becomes reality-so then we should be able to affect change in a positive manner as well.

I know that on the days when my pain is particularly overwhelming, I feel worse in every way possible...physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and so on. Feeling worse also leads to vocalizing just how tired I am of suffering. This just perpetuates the negative thought cycle and the pain seems to remain at a heightened level for an extended period of time. However, if I am in a somewhat positive mood, or even a neutral mood & distracted, working on an article for example, I am also aware that the pain does not 'seem' as severe.

The very fact that there is a lot of research being done regarding the deleterious effects of stress on our health, should clearly indicate that our thoughts & emotions play a large role in our health. We need to have a positive mind-set in general to accomplish the goals we set for ourselves. This is the exact reason why 'life coaches' are so popular now. It is easy to set goals, it is another story to actually stay positively on task as we attempt to accomplish them. We, as human beings seem to struggle with the concept of positive thinking and actually remaining positive when what we strive for does not immediately arrive. Most of us, have real trouble delaying gratification.

I have personally tried "positive thinking" to control my pain, many times in fact. The problem being however, I backslide rather quickly when I do not see immediate results. One of the ways to combat this and remain in the positive thinking mind-set is to participate in a treatment known as: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). This therapy aims to stop the negative self-talk related to past experiences & instead replace it with a more positive, "living in the moment" type attitude. When it comes to coping with chronic pain, living in the moment is essential. The moment you begin obsessing about a future filled with pain you feel immediately defeated.

We may not be able to take away our suffering & the chronic pain we deal with each and every day, however, positive thinking clearly plays a very large role in how we cope with it. Above & beyond dealing with chronic pain via analgesics, it is definitely worthwhile to search out each & every alternative treatment available including psychological help. Treatments such as CBT may be exactly what you need to say: "I THINK, THEREFORE I AM *NOT* IN PAIN.

Wishing you a positive thinking, pain-free day,
J

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CHRONIC ILLNESS WHEN...

I didn't expect to be posting again so soon, however I found something that I think may amuse those of you with chronic illness/chronic pain etc.

I did not have my sad green eyes open even three minutes this morning when that nasty silver jagged ball began spinning through my field of vision. For those of you that don't know much about migraines, what I experienced is called an aura. I have not had a migraine in a year, actually almost a year to the day. I used to get them frequently but after an entire year passed, I had thought they were gone for good...you know what thought did??? Silly naive fool...

Now then, back to the reason for this post: I decided to surf the net, looking for things to distract myself from the vise so tightly squeezing my brain and came upon invisibleillneesweek.com. The article entitled YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CHRONIC ILLNESS WHEN.... actually had me laughing out loud despite the pain in my head. I thought perhaps my fellow sufferers could also enjoy a good laugh.


Take care everyone-hope it makes you giggle,
J

WHAT ABOUT US...THOSE WITH LEGITIMATE CHRONIC PAIN???

Unless you have been living under a rock, no doubt you have heard about the death of Michael Jackson and the issue of his death being related to narcotic abuse. To top it off, there has also been a recommendation via the FDA committee to decrease the amount of acetaminophen allowed per day and further to also take combination drugs such as Vicodin and Percocet off the market.

Michael Jackson is certainly not the 1st celebrity to die as a result of narcotic abuse and he will likely not be the last. As sad and tragic as his death is, all of the controversy has only fostered a terrible fear in those that suffer with legitimate chronic pain, myself included.

Previous to my workplace injury, I did not have so much as a bottle of Tylenol or even aspirin in my home. As a teenager, I did not take drugs of any sort and did not allow myself to be influenced by peer pressure. That attitude carried on through to adulthood. Now, however, as a sufferer of chronic pain 24/7, without my medication, I can not function at all. In fact, without it, I can not get out of bed or even out of the fetal position as a result of the horrid pain. It has also lead to depression that I struggle with and has brought me to the point of feeling suicidal. Really scary stuff...

I have never been the type of person to even remotely contemplate ending my life, however, the pain is so very consuming that it drains the life right out of me. Anyone that suffers with chronic pain will understand exactly what I am saying. I do not wish to take these analgesics, and in fact wish I didn't need to, however the reality is, if I do not I have no quality of life whatsoever. Now, I as well as many others, risk losing access to the medications that allow us to somewhat function, and that my dear readers scares me to death, literally!

I have to assume that there is the potential for determining a method to ensure better safety with regard to taking narcotics. There has always been and will likely continue to be those whose only goal is to get "high" off of these drugs. Those with real pain however, their only goal is to obtain relief from the unrelenting pain that they live with daily. I have never felt the so called 'high' that others chase after. I have often said I wished I did, at least then I'd be enjoying myself amid all the suffering...Bottom line though-I simply just want relief from the pain.

I think with all of the issues surrounding these meds, it is about time that more research was done. Why not work toward finding an effective method of pain control that does not have all of the side-effects, including addiction. If there was a medication that decreased my pain and did not have the potential for addiction or any other side-effect, I would be first in line to try it.

There should also be stricter safe-guards put in place to make sure that those taking these drugs are taking them exactly as prescribed. I have never been asked to give blood or urine to assess the level of narcotics in my body. I would however, have no objection to being asked to do this. It certainly would be a great way to "weed out" those whose only goal is to get "high." It would be easy to tell if they were hiding something based upon their reaction to being asked to supply a blood or urine sample.

Clearly, I don't have all the answers and I don't know what the resolution is to this growing problem. I do believe though that if some effort was put into it, positive changes could be implemented without the risk of those suffering with chronic pain losing access to the meds that allow them quality of life. Anyone with chronic pain knows that it effects each and every facet of their lives and the meds that allow them some relief are ESSENTIAL. Without access to them, I have no doubt that the suicide rate would increase exponentially...

Be back soon. Until then take care and I wish for you-*good pain control* :>)
J