The Cruelty of People Regarding John Travolta's Son Jett

When I first heard of the death of Jett Travolta, the son of John Travolta and Kelly Preston this past week I felt an awful pain in my soul. I don't know them and in fact I have nothing whatsoever in common with them other than also being a parent. I went to his website to offer my condolences. Although they will likely never read it and it will not mean much to them, my heart truly hurt for the pain they are now experiencing.

There is absolutely, truly without a doubt NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING worse that could ever happen to any one of us than to lose a child. It is my greatest fear and I know that if it ever happened to me I would be destroyed beyond repair. This is from where my sympathy arises.
It is just the proof that it matters not how much money you have, whether you are a celebrity or not, dreadfully tragic things can happen to you.

I honestly have never purchased a tabloid in my 42 years on the planet and I NEVER will. I have also never bought in to the idea of putting celebrities up on a pedestal and worshipping them. They are simply people just like us, except they happen to have a job that involves entertaining our sorry asses. In my present ill state, I watch many, many movies and I appreciate the fact that I can be entertained by actors and escape into a different world for a couple of hours.

I for one think they deserve to have a life with privacy and if I had the power, the paparazzi would be outlawed. It is criminal the way they stalk actors. I personally do not understand how they get away with what they do, as they are nothing more than stalkers and most definitely NOT journalists. I would go absolutely crazy if I had them in my face ever step I took and I suspect that for virtually everyone on the planet, if your life was viewed under a microscope each and every day; trust me, you would not enjoy the outcome.

Presently on the internet there are numerous comments on articles, blogs etc. slamming Jett's parents for being scientologists, outright blaming them for his death, so much so that I almost felt sick to my stomach. I am not a scientologist, however, what about: "thou shall not judge" or "Do unto others" mentality? Those poor people have had their hearts ripped wide open and are experiencing the worst pain imaginable, something that I would not wish on my worst enemy. As a person that believes people are inherently good, I am rather astonished at the response of some. How cruel can people be? Well, it even gets worse.

I even saw one blog that said, "So what? This is not news big deal, just because he died. There are millions of kids that die and no one cares about that." Well, to this dreadfully mean individual I do agree with you on one account. Yes, there are many children that die, and each and every one is a tragedy. This is news because they are in the public eye and I would assume that at this point they likely wish that they were not. This will be the most difficult trial they will ever face and they will be forever changed. My heart breaks for anyone that loses a child, whether they are a friend, stranger or celebrity.

Many people are blaming Scientology so much so that Jett's family felt it necessary to release a statement indicating that everything medical and otherwise had been done for him. WHY SHOULD THEY HAVE TO DO THAT? This should be their own private time to grieve for the loss of their son, not to have to worry about what people think. All of you individuals that are taking time out of your day to post cruel comments I suspect that you have no children, or if you do, someone should question you about what type of care you provide your child as I know, any normal parent would feel sympathy for what this poor family is going through. I know I do. For goodness sake, leave these poor people alone in their grief and most importantly, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

So to John, Kelly & Ella-I am no one special and you do not know me but my hope for you is that you are shielded from the dreadful comments, comforted by the heartfelt ones and that you will find a way to cope with such a terrible loss. Truly my heart breaks for you all. I wish peace for you and you will remain in my thoughts.

The New Year 2009

I am not really one to make resolutions, and in fact I have never made one. I do however always take stock of the past year and think about just how quickly it has gone. This past year, although a tough one, did seem to go rather quickly. I know it is because I am getting older. Which then brings up the point of how much time I have left. I am not exactly the picture of health and it really saddens me that I have not really accomplished the things I set out to do.



2008 was tough because I lost my identity(I can no longer work as a nurse) and now have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do with my remaining years. I have however finally made up my mind to enroll in the writing course which I believe I mentioned in my last post. I have read the information over numerous times and think that I will learn something and perhaps it will keep my mind off my pain and my general ill health.



I do have one sort of monkey wrench that came at me on December 26th that I must deal with. My previous landlord, that purchased the house while we were already living in it has served us for small claims court. The worst part is that he owes us approximately 4times the amount he is attempting to sue us for but we decided against it as we are not petty people. I am most upset over the fact that he is trying to sue us for damage to the house, that was ALREADY there when we moved in. It was caused by the previous owners yet he is trying to get money out of us for it. I have several witnesses that know the condition of the house before he purchased it so therefore I know it is frivilous and will likely go no where, it is just the energy and time involved in dealing with this nonsense is something I do not need.



I do not think as long as I live I will ever understand some human beings with their petty, cruel behaviour. Ah well, just another thing to deal with and an awesome way to start the new year off. I will prepare the paperwork rebuttal part of it and my husband will have to attend court to deal with it himself as I could never tolerate sitting all that time.


School goes back tomorrow, hurrayyyyyyyy. I love my son more than anything in this world but he is getting bored now and needs to return and I need some peace and quiet. I can hopefully get back to my novel and officially get started on the writing course. I received my 1200 thread count sheets for my bed and I have a new laptop so what else could I ask for? Life is great, wonderful and awesome, yet it is truly painful and it all out sucks sometimes too. The good old human condition. I don't mind the ups and downs at all really, I just wish I could control my pain better is all. I suppose that is it for today. See you soon.

J

No I did not drop off the face of the earth, although I wish I did

I do so apologize, it has been a year or so since I wrote and much has happened. I am now pretty much disabled and unable to work as a nurse any longer (a lengthy story in itself). I shall do my best to catch up with hopes that someone will find something of interest in my blog, perhaps encouraging me to continue on.

I have also decided to take a bit of a turn, thanks to my injury and chronic illness. I began writing a regular article for the newspaper and the occasional magazine also. I have now decided to write a book after many false starts. One day I am gung ho to go, next day I read something discouraging about how difficult it is to get published. I have thought about trying self-publishing, however, without an income any longer, I do not have the money in which to do it. So, I have decided to leave it in God's hands. If it is meant to be, it will.

For most of my life, even the bad parts, I have believed that there is a reason for everything, even the negative stuff we all struggle through. So I have to assume that my ill health and inability to continue my nursing career has a reason. It is most difficult some days as I absolutely loved being a nurse. It was the very essence of me, my identity and I feel as though I have literally lost a piece of myself. I loved my job and would have done it for free, to me there is no higher calling than to assist those suffering and vulnerable. However, I shall do my best to move on and assume that it has happened for the greater good. (I must think that way or else I will go crazy).

There have been many devastating events in my life, many of which I have yet to enter here, however something happened a few months ago that almost did me in, and no one was more shocked than I. It truly seems incomprehensible to me that I almost gave up when clearly I have faced much greater challenges than this. I do not know if it was an accumulation over the years or simply an odd synergistic effect between the latest 2 incidences. the treatment are starting to cause some very serious health issues for me. My upper third of both lungs are fibroses

The Hodgkin's lymphoma that I spoke of in an earlier post is just starting to rear it's ugly head. No, it did not come back, rather the side-effects of it did with a roaring vengence. My heart, is also damaged, and my heart rate is now 125 beats per minutes,resting. Normal resting heart rate is between 60-80 for most people, some a bit higher and some lower, however 125 is WAY too quick. No one thus far has been able to determine what the exact issue is. I have damage to my spinal cord from radiation burns and that has caused a very uncomfortable symptom referred to as L'hermitte's sign. It feels like an electric shock when I move my head down.

That in itself is bad enough but believe it or not, it was the teeth, or lack thereof that broke the camel's back, ergo mine. The radiation damage to my teeth and salivary glands caused them to begin crumbling like blue cheese. Pieces literally broke off and became abscessed. After this had happened too many times to count, I decided to have them all removed. BIG BIG BIG mistake! I have not eaten in 4 months(other than nutritional drinks). I just can not get used to the dentures. I hate them, despise them, they hurt, they will not stay in place and they make me look like I just got punched in the mouth. I wish now, that I would not have had them all removed. Did I mention I absolutely hate the dentures? I am only 42 years and now without teeth I look like an 80 year old, which I suppose is rather fitting considering most days I feel like one too.

I did attempt to return to work last year, and although it was tough some days I was managing okay. Unfortunately though, only a few weeks back, I suffered a low back injury for me that ensured I will never work again as a nurse. I don't even want to get into the issues I have had with WSIB, the compensation board for workplace injuries as it only agitates me when I think about it. I will get into it on another day however the only thing I will say now is:their role in my injury is to remain as unmerciful as possible and to make sure that I have to struggle for every cent they decide to pay me. They are most diligent in their efforts to ensure that the injured worker feels beaten down and defeated, like nothing more than a useless piece of garbage. As callous as that may sound it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.


Rather than throw in the towel and completely give up, I have a bit of a plan, for the first time in a while. I am planning to take a writing course in the new year and I am going to do my best to finish my novel. I also hope to derive some inspiration as I plan to continue blogging about my progress. When I first began last year, I did not seem to garner any readers but this time, I am hopeful that will change and if I in fact find some interested readers I will take that to mean I may be on the right track. God I hope I am, because now, due to my health issues, the only thing I am able to do these days is write and read books. So that is basically the condensed version of the past year. I will expand on it and also return to my previous plan of outlining what has occurred in the past to bring me to this moment in time.
See you soon.
J

Off to Nursing School

Following completion of treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma and subsequent recovery I began nursing school. The entire time I wished it were medical school, however I was grateful for the opportunity to find a career in the health care field. I absolutely loved it and the material came very easy to me. I found that I did not need to study often as I just absorbed the information like a sponge. My marks were among the highest in the class and I often emerged from an exam 1st with the highest mark. I am sure that it is the same for any individual, once they find something that interests them, it is like second nature and it all falls into place with very little effort. Although it was not medical school I felt as though I had "found my calling" or was at least looking in the right direction.

I was able to find 2 nursing positions rather quickly after graduation, one on a day surgery floor of a hospital and the other in a long term care type hospital. I had been a stay at home mom prior to this and the freedom I felt started to adversely effect my marriage. I started to wonder if I had done the right thing marrying so young. I loved my children dearly and could not imagine life without them but I so craved a close loving marriage. At the time I did not realize just how much was missing from my marriage as I will explain in a later post.

Be back soon,
J

Such a long story--where do I begin

Greetings to all on my first entry!



This blog will, for the most part, be about my health struggles post- total thyroidectomy however the years prior to this tell quite a tale as well...So...I will start about 20 years back because as Oprah says, "everyone has a story." This is mine.



I truly realized that to put those difficulties into perspective I would need to outline my entire life story. Nothing, absolutely nothing has been more challenging since the time following my thyroidectomy and if you continue to read all that has occurred it will certainly put it into perspective. The thyroid gland is an essential part of ones body, effecting each and every cell and life without it is more than challenging to say the least. More challenging than all that has occurred in my life thus far, and as you read it may be hard to believe.



I decided to write my manuscript and this blog after recently watching, "The Pursuit of Happyness." I cried, not just a single glistening tear but shoulder shaking sobs. Not only because it was a touching story of human suffering and the spirit to rise above it but because it so closely paralleled my life in many ways. My story however has many other challenges as you will see if you continue to read. Cancer, marital problems, suicide, business failure, rather financial ruin that lead to losing everything, our home, all possessions, even to the point of homelessness and hunger. Many terrible things have happened and I will tell the story step by step. I hope those reading it will enjoy the experience of me purging my soul as much as I will. Actually I am again on sick leave from my job as a community nurse so when I am not napping I will be typing.



I married Paul very young, actually 2 months prior to my 18th birthday. I had my first child at 18 and my second at 20. I was young and foolish as they say and here I was with a 2 year old and a newborn baby, both boys. Little did I know that this marriage would end in a major tragedy one that would rock my soul to it's core and that of my children's forever more. That in itself is a long tale so I will save that story in order to keep this blog in a somewhat sequential order. To begin I suppose the best place would be at the cause of much damage to my body, in particular to my thyroid gland.



I remember the day vividly, the day that started my health problems...it began as a nosebleed that just would not ease. Off to the ear/nose/throat doc to be assessed. As he proceeded to cauterize the vessel he questioned, "how long have you had that lump?" The lump in question was in the middle of my neck and had been there at least a year or so. It did not hurt or bother me in any way so I just ignored it... (P.S. never ignore a lump!) This specialist felt it best to have it removed as he said, "just in case." My family doc said, "you are young and healthy and "I guarantee it is nothing serious."

(Message to my former family doc:Never make a guarantee!) Next thing I knew I was booked for surgery. I must say that there is something very CREEPY about having your throat cut...little did I know it would not be the first time that a surgeon would put a scalpel to my throat. The pathology report took 2 weeks to return and I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. There I was, 21 years old with a 2 year old and a newborn baby and the panic set in. Was I going to die? At the very least I was concerned about how I would manage this situation with 2 small children. My husband at the time was a hard working man but pretty much emotionally absent and I knew that he would never provide the support other than financially. I was however told, "this is the best kind of cancer to have." WHAT??? That statement still gets me going every time I think of it! I suppose they were just trying to make me feel better....



The following month was just a flurry of tests, scans and appointments the worst of which was a lymphangiogram. This involved having needles, actually rather large needles of dye injected between my toes and then incisions to the top of my feet to inject more dye in order to visualize the lymphatic system. This test I must say would be a great torture technique, it caused nightmares for many months and was excruciatingly painful to tolerate. It was then decided that radiation therapy would be the treatment of choice. Oh, if only I could turn back time. Never was I told of long term side effects or what my future would hold. They decided because I was so, "young and healthy" that I would be given a very high dose of radiation, daily for 6 weeks. The result of this "very high dose" was unbelievably painful 2nd and 3rd degree burns on my upper body, lower jaw, chin area and especially severe under the arms, the actual exit point for the rays. That is something I will never forget. The worst part however was that it never occurred to me at the time that these burns were nothing compared to the unseen internal damage that was going on.



I somehow managed to make it through that dreadful time despite many problems. After several months of dark and difficult days I recovered and began to look at life differently. It was then that I decided to enter nursing school. I had always wanted to be a doctor but with 2 small children and just recovering from the treatment I knew that it was not a possibility at this time. I was offered a seat in the Registered Practical Nurse program, free of charge with child care included, how could I refuse? I decided to go for it as medical school just wasn't in the cards for me any longer and I needed to move on and think about the future. I thought that the cancer would be the most difficult thing I would ever face in my life and that I had made it through....how naive of me.

See you soon for the next entry,

Jeannette