Recently, I posted a message to the Injured Workers All Across Canada site and unfortunately, it was not a very nice one. In my last blog post, I spoke of acceptance and I do believe I pushed myself a bit too quickly in attempting to accept what has happened. I do still realize that acceptance is paramount if I am to move on, however, now I think it needs to be accomplished in baby steps.
I had a meltdown, a major meltdown. I was ready to throw in the towel and give up, I had my plan, all in place, and 2 minutes before I completed it, I called my husband home from work instead. Chronic pain has the ability to make a person go mad, literally. If you combine that with the abuse of WSIB you have yourself a recipe for disaster. I still can not believe how in Canada, a compassionate country, our government allows this to go on. I actually read a statistic recently that stated people with chronic pain are 50% more likely to commit suicide. Now, being on the receiving end of a suicide, I know the resultant pain it causes, yet, I was in a very dark place. It is the compounding effect of pain, WSIB abuse, financial stress, marital issues related to the stress of it all and just plain old exhaustion.
I am not there now, however,I am profoundly aware that I remain at risk. I am taking the steps I need to take in order to cope with it all and meanwhile, I am so grateful for the people with chronic pain and/or workplace injuries that have provided such caring support. I do now commit to putting my energy into fighting these WSIB SOBs and not allowing them to take me to that very dark place again!
J
4 comments:
It is wonderful that you now understand how your illness can affect your mind state. Just one day at a time hun, one day at a time.
I do now understand and it is rather scary at that. Yes one day at a time, sometimes even one minute. Thank you so much for your kind comment.
J
Jeannette,
Your post scared me. Maybe I am taking your words too literally but it really scared me.
Are you able to obtain counseling of some sort? I have found therapy enormously helpful and downright essential. I don't have universal healthcare so therapy doesn't come cheap. In fact, I need to write Congress because currently I have ZERO coverage for therapy and it's $187.00 for a 50 minute session. However, switching therapists is most definitely not an option for me (LONG STORY).
So, I will battle the government (again) in the meantime while I pay out of pocket this enormous amount of money that I don't have.
I have to pull that money from other important stuff! It's not easy but it's what I need to do.
Is counseling free in Canada with healthcare the way it is there?
Regardless, I highly recommend getting whatever help you need and doing whatever you have to do to get it. This is serious stuff.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know from firsthand experience what it's like to battle one's own government.
I did it for years and I really get it. It's consuming, exhausting, and maddening. You need to do whatever will give you self-preservation right now.
Give yourself permission to skip a day of making/receiving calls about worker's comp stuff, listen to soothing music, meditate, locate an acupuncturist like you were talking about...
Do something other than stew over worker's comp round the clock because it WILL drive you insane if you don't take a mental break from it. Been there, done that.
I swear to you that you need to step away from it (however important it may be) and just "take a break" from it for x amount of time. You have to take care of yourself. It's crucial.
I feel badly because it sounds like jumping in with both feet to acceptance mode somehow precipitated the meltdown you described. :(
I'm not sure what plan you are talking about but it sounds scary. Maybe I am misinterpreting.
Get whatever support you can wherever you can get it. Don't try to "tough it out". Do what you need to do to take care of YOU!!
Jeanne
Please do not feel bad about the acceptance thing. In no way did that have anything to do with our chat about it.
I consider you one of the most kind-hearted, caring souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. It is people like you that keep me going, knowing that acceptance will come-it just can not be forced. After so long of pushing my emotions to the back burner. I didn't allow myself to feel just how much my life has changed and that I have very little control over it.
Primarily, it is the chronic pain that does me in. It is incessant and I never get a break from it and for some reason, lately it has been particularly bad. So, really what I am looking for is relief from this chronic pain, all the other stuff I can cope with if the pain is controlled. I am awaiting an appointment with a pain specialist however that in itself will cost money and a 5 hr drive. I must go regardless as I know I can not continue on this way.
Please do not feel any responsiblity for my latest ineffective coping, you have been a TREMENDOUS help, you have given me hope that one can live with a chronic health issue and still feel productive and worthwhile and for that I will always be grateful.
I am more angry at myself than anything else...I used to be so strong and could handle anything, but now I feel weaker than a newborn kitten. I am sure once my pain is addressed, I will be able to handle all that is thrown at me.
Thank you for your ongoing concern and caring. You are a wonderful person.
J
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